The Problem is Me.

Me: "I don't care if you're gay, trans, or bisexual, that's your business, but if you pick mushrooms off of pizza, I'm gonna judge you and think you're an extremely immature individual." 

Friend: "That might be the most honest statement I've ever heard." 

Me: "Hey, I know my morals are often hypocritical; there's definitely a sliding scale with no rhyme or reason; and that my morals often revolve around me judging someone." 

Are you this honest with yourself? Do you even realize when you're judging someone because of their race? their food preference? who they love? Do you? One of the great gifts studying anthropology has given me is the ability to look into my own mind. I can see just how much I'm influenced by the world around me-- and even more so, how that world teaches me to judge others. 

Let me give an example. The other night I was riding the bus home from a friend's house. It was about 10:30pm. I walked on and immediately my mind is assessing the situation. I went down the rows mentally evaluating each person: are they a threat? do I have to watch them? should I maybe sit away from said person? does this person look like they have bed bugs? should I not be reading my book with my cochlear implant off in case something happens? do I feel safe? 

You may think this seems a bit extreme, or even out of character since I'm not one to really be paranoid about safety, germs, etc. Now, I don't consciously go through each question like a checklist. Rather, it happens in a split second. That night on the bus, while going through my checklist, I quickly realized I was the only white person on the bus. Literally. There was one Hispanic looking lady, me, and then about a dozen African Americans. Some were couples; about half were men. Luckily, that night, I didn't feel threatened or nervous so I took my usual seat, busted out the African mythology book I was nerd-ing out on, and read away. 

There have been times though where I did judge people on the bus based on their skin color, appearance, facial expressions. Stereotyping is a primitive instinct. It dates back to our early ancestors whose survival instincts lead them to judge situations and persons quickly, often relying on what they previously have experienced. I call this their catalog of "how to interact with other humans". It is similar too but different from the catalogs of "dangerous animals" "don't eat that, Joey died from eating that", "weather patterns", etc. We needed these catalogs to survive and the idea has stuck with us thousands of years later. 

Time for another story-- I live in downtown Denver where it is not uncommon to pass upwards to 30+ homeless people on my way to/from work. Normally I pass by them without any feelings, each of us going about our own business. However, there's recently been a string of attacks on the mall where a homeless person (or several) attacks someone. I was watching the news early about this said situation. That same day, as I was walking my usual route home, I could tell I was feeling nervous, unsafe. I made a point to walk more quickly pass the homeless crowds that were gathered. Tried not to make eye contact, or tried to do so in order to say "don't beat me up please". Again, I'm not saying this was a conscious choice on my part. If I was not more aware of myself and my own reality, I probably wouldn't have thought anything of it. But I am very aware of my own prejudices, or my own reactions to things. Therefore, I knew there was a problem. 

The problem is this: the news I watch, the stories I fill my mind with directly affect my interactions with others. You might think this is common sense. But do you realize that it affects your subconscious reactions as well? That all those news articles, conversations with friends, and movie blockbusters get filed away into your mind. They become part of that catalog of experience we turn to when entering any given situation I mentioned earlier. Watching a news story about unstable homeless populations makes me skittish around homeless people. Reading a letter from a rape victim makes me uncomfortable around men. Watching a movie about slavery makes me hate white people. Watching a chick flick makes me irrationally upset when a guy doesn't declare his love for me while filling my room with roses and whatever else happens in chick flicks. Watching a TV show where the terrorists are always Middle Eastern makes me wonder about every student I see from the ESL school at work. What we fill our mind with matters. 

My mother told of an experience she recently had at work. She was washing her hands in the bathroom when a fellow employee, African American, was doing the same thing. This woman was using the paper towel to clean up the water mess she made when a white woman walked in. Without second though perhaps, this white woman called the African American woman out, complaining about something that needed to be cleaned in the hallway. The white woman didn't see that this Africa American woman was probably wearing nice office clothes; she didn't see that the woman was simply washing her hands. She saw a dark skinned person with a paper towel in their hands and assumed "housekeeping". 

You can blame this on rural Pennsylvania. You could make assumptions about this white woman-- maybe she's a racist, or has only know African American maids, or just wasn't thinking. But the truth is somewhere in her catalog entitled "how to interact with other humans", the idea that black people are cleaners is in there. 

I recently had an argument with my boss. I was trying to say that everyone is a little bit racist. Or, to borrow from Avenue Q: "Everyone's a little bit racist/ sometimes./ doesn't mean we go/around committing hate crimes./ look around and you'll find/no one's really color blind./ maybe it's a fact/ we all should face/ everyone makes judgments/ based on race." He argued to say that this wasn't so. 

Me: "Don't we make assumptions about every person we see?"

Boss: "Yes but that just makes you prejudice, not racist." 

Me: "If we gain our prejudices from the media and the media is racist-- wouldn't it follow that our prejudices are racist?"

 My boss finally conceded on this point, but I could tell the idea made him uncomfortable. We live in a society filled with people who are uncomfortable with the idea that we could be racist, we could be bigoted, we could be hypocrites, and we could be like the white lady from my mom's work. We don't want to be them. We want to be progressive, we want to be better than our grandparents and the slave owners.

Well, we can be better. Any addict knows that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. If you can't set yourself face to face with your own weakness, you will never stay clean. Even after that, you might have to down deep, step after step, to examine your own psyche to not just put a band- aid over the problem, to not just abstain but to actually solve that which is haunting you. One of my favorite quotes about racism comes from Chris Rock: "We treat racism in this country like it's a style that America went through. Like flared legs or lava lamps. 'Oh that crazy thing we did. We were hanging black people.' We treat it like a fad instead of a disease that eradicated millions of people."

In order for our society as a whole to be better, we as individuals must be better. We must be more anxiously engaged in filling our catalogs with positive stereotypes. Warning: I'm not saying to fill your minds with rainbows and butterflies so that we don't learn to see warning signs as such and therefore land ourselves in dangerous situations. I'm simply saying not every Hispanic doesn't speak English; not every African American is going rob me at gun point; not every Caucasian is intelligent; not every guy wearing saggy pants is an uneducated hooligan; not every woman with fake nails and dyed hair is a ditz; not every man is going to rape me; not every woman is going to support me. 

I could go on and on but I'll stop here. I think you get what I'm trying to say. I don't know all the answers. I don't know how to solve all the problems our country is facing right now but I do know (and this I believe with all my heart) that unless we, as individuals, can look ourselves in the mirror and say, openly and honestly "I judge people for picking mushrooms off their pizza. And I sometimes judge the African American I see wearing his pants down to his ankles. And sometimes I judge the white girl dressed in a skintight dress heading to the club at midnight. And sometimes I make assumptions about the homeless, or the black girl, or that taxi driver, or the overweight man on the bus, or the cosplay girl at the convention center," then our country is never going to get better because I will never see that the problem is me. 

My 50 Cents on 50 Shades... cause I can't not have an opinion.

Christian Grey is a messed up man. He really should be seeing a therapist to work through his issues. But he does not live in such a world; he lives in a world where brooding, domineering men are seen as mysterious and troubled. This does not excuse what he did at all but it helps take some of the blame off of the handcuffs and blindfolds and onto the man committing the acts.

When done right (aka in healthy, educated situations), BDSM provides an environment of trust and intimacy as well as one of sexual exploration. The stigma really needs to be taken off this community and I hope this film -- even though, from what I hear, most in the BDSM world despises it for its inaccurate representation-- will open up an avenue for discussion about this side of erotica and sex.

Anastasia is not completely blameless either. However, she is naive and is a product, just as Christian is, of a world where women bodies are for the use of men. I have fallen victim more than once to the ideology that "men only want me for my body" or "if a man wants it, if I don't see a good reason to say no (because just not wanting to isn't good enough), then I shouldn't say no". Just as I hope 50 Shades opens up the BDSM community to less discrimination, I hope it also opens up discussion on the hyper-sexualization of women.

Along with glorifying women solely for their bodies, and along with glorifying the dark troubled man, we also glorify money. It's the modernization of Prince Charming coming to rescue Cinderella out of obscurity, low self-esteem, and poverty that leads women into overlooking unhealthy relationship signs.

I've come to try and live my life by a quote I found last year:

 "The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better."

So instead of just demonizing 50 Shaes, calling it porn, let's ask what about our society needs to be changed so something like this is seen for what it is, instead of what it is not. Let's promote healthy, safe sex (whether that be handcuffs or missionary style) instead of promoting violence sex. Let us promote love being the motivating factor instead of lust. Let's promote the keys to a healthy life-- dealing with past scars; seeking a selfless existence, developing self-awareness. Let us promote a society that glamorizes service, love, people as people, and stears clear of glamorizing money, fame, success. 

Let us promote it through our own actions-- self reflect today on your own relationships. Are they healthy? Are they uplifting you? Are they helping you be a better person? Reflect on your own actions. Are your intentions pure? Are you conscious of your motivations? Do you need to go see a therapist or perhaps a good friend to heal from past hurts? Take notice when you watch movies. Do you agree or not with the character's actions? Are you rationalizing away bad behavior?

As always,

 "be the change you wish to see in the world".

Learning to love all of me.

The biggest casualty of a journey to self-discovery is one's ego. Your faults, your weaknesses, your past decisions come to the surface. Surprisingly however, what doesn't follow is the usual self-pity and shame of my imperfections. Instead, your soul whispers "Yes! I rejoice when you make mistakes! I welcome your weakness!" 

At this point there are several options: one-- your soul is in some serious denial; two-- you can be offended that your soul is thriving off all your weaknesses; three-- you can ask why. So I decided to do just that (adding a dramatic flare just for the heck of it). "Oh soul of mine, why do you rejoice when I feel shame?" 

"Because," says my soul patiently, "mistakes are signs of living; weaknesses are opportunities to grow; failures are chances to learn." My soul gave me much to ponder.... Could all that really be true? 

"Do what's uncomfortable and scary and hard 

but pays off in the long run. Be willing to fail. 

Let yourself fail. Fail in a the way and place 

where you would be proud to fail." 

"The transformed self, living in union, no longer lives in shame or denial of its weakness, but even lives with rejoicing because it does not need to pretend that it is any more than it actually is-- which is now more than enough! 'When I am weak, I am strong,' Paul says to make the same point dramatically." 

"Do what's uncomfortable and scary and hard but pays off in the long run. Be willing to fail. Let yourself fail. Fail in a the way and place where you would be proud to fail." 

"I am learning every day to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me." 

"Second chances are not given to make things right, But are given to prove that we could be better even after we fall." 

I think what I keep forgetting is that making mistakes is part of life. If I truly believe that I came to Earth to continue on my journey to perfection, then why I am so ashamed that I'm falling short? Why I am so afraid to act, in case I do the wrong thing? Because, I'm imperfect! 

So I'm going to start looking at life as my soul does. I'm going to embrace my imperfections. And yes, I'll most likely mess up or I'll act too rashly or I'll make a fool of myself but you know what? I'll be living. And laughing. And learning. 

"It is better to pass through sorrow...."

"And in that day Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God.

And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient." (Moses 5:10-11)

I have thought a lot about Adam and Eve, especially Eve in these past few months. Struck by Eve's responses to the whole experience-- "It is better to pass through all this hardness, sorrow, and toil so that we can know good from evil"-- I've wondered why she would say something like that? Why, for her, was it not enough to simply believe God when he said "Don't eat this." It was enough for Adam. Was it simply because Satan was so tempting, so good that Eve couldn't handle it? Or did she know something-- know the value of knowing for oneself? 

Many an apostle or prophet say that we don't need to make mistakes because we can learn from others. Yes, sometimes we can. Sometimes we can read the scriptures or watch our loved ones make mistakes and say "I don't want to do that." But sometimes, that is not enough. We have to know for ourselves.

 I am an extremely curious person. Always have been. (Ask the parentals). I want to know things. I want to experience all that mortality has to offer.  I am not satisfied by reading or listening to stories told. I remember, it was my sophomore year of college. My sister was going through a really rough time and I had a roommate who was going to a school psychologist. Depression, she said it was. I decided to join her one day-- I've always been curious about the "lay on a couch and spill your guts" experience. I was filling out the forms and it asked if I was depressed or sad or whatnot. I remember writing "No, but I want to be." I wanted to be depressed so I could know what my sister and roommate was going through. I wanted to know what that was like. I was curious about that mortal experience of being. 

It is not enough for me to take other people's word; it is not enough to see other's suffering. I want to understand their suffering in the realist way possible-- by suffering with them. 

So Eve wanted her eyes opened so she could know good and evil; sorrow and joy; pleasure and pain; obedience and sin. Granted, this is all just the Gospel according to Corrine.  There's another theory I heard from a friend of mine that really rang true to me-- she said, perhaps God would have eventually told Adam and Eve to eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil; the test therefore wasn't a black and white "never do this" but rather a test in God's timing. "Don't eat this because you are not ready; because it is not time; and in my own time, I will command you to eat." Does that sound familiar? "I'm not telling you to not have sex, I'm telling you to not have sex until you are married."/ "Wait to go to the temple until you are ready to make those covenants. It is not for everyone, at any time. There is a time and place for it." 

So, perhaps it wasn't so much curiosity but instead, Eve jumped the gun a little bit. She didn't want to wait, or perhaps the temptation was too great, or perhaps she lacked faith in God's timing. She may have been the first, but she most certainly wasn't the last to be guilty of such a charge.

Now, the point of all this rambling is because I wonder why I've been trying to live my life as an Adam all while secretly being an Eve. And why, now of all times, I've decided to accept being an Eve. 

I know that it isn't the ideal way to learn things. Sometimes I tell myself, "if only you had more faith Corrine", "just read your scriptures, go to church, pray and you'll be satisfied", "you don't have to do this", "just trust in God", "obedience is the key" .....  But for some reason I can't,, or I won't, say no. I give in. My only hope is that, like Eve, I will not only open my eyes, learn the good from the evil but that I will also be able to see and rejoice in the sweetness of my redemption. 

"In every walk with nature, one receives far more than she seeks"

The key to overcoming the fears which plague us in mortality is learning to see ourselves for what we really are.


I am not merely as majestic as the Rockies,
As delicate as the meadows,
As breathtaking as the sunset,
As hopeful as the sunrise,
As constant as the tide,
As powerful as lightening,
As unpredictable as hail,
As determined as a river.


No. I am not my own separate reservoir of power. I am not separated from the divinity which surrounds me. I am part of it.

Therefore, I am the Rockies.
I am the meadows.
I am the sunset and the sunrise.
I am the tide.
I am lightening.
I am hail.
I am river.

And if I am all of those things, how can I fail? How can I fail to be anything other than determined, unpredictable, powerful, constant, hopeful, breathtaking, delicate and majestic?

The answer is, I cannot. Nature does more than teach, inspire, give... nature connects us with the invincibility of our own soul.

The unedited, rambling thoughts of an overwhelmed mind.

It is amazing how a conversation with a friend will have a ripple effect in your soul. I think that really happens when such friends are connected with the Spirit, with eternity that they say things that resonate with you and cause you to really step back and think. (So I thank you Nicole Houghton for being such a spiritual, strong woman... and for loving me unconditionally). But what our conversation caused me to think was.... Am I being selfish? Am I choosing the wrong path because part of life is sucking it up and obeying even when we don't want to? I think that is what I thought for a long time. Obedience is the most important thing.

Then I went on a journey. A journey where I've been trying to discover more than obedience and I've found it. Countless scriptures tell us "by the law none are saved", "we are saved through Christ"; "offer up yourself as a sacrifice, not your obedience". So I decided to focus on that more-- offering up myself by first discovering who that is; by building a relationship with God; with Christ. As I've done that it has taken me down a different path.  Am I deceiving myself into believing that the rules don't apply to me? Or they do but just not right now? Am I forsaking the cross because I want to do bad things? 

I know it's not the last one. Not wholly.  My intentions I feel have always been noble-- or at least innocent. I am as a child asking God "Why?" over and over again till if he weren't perfect, he would've become very annoyed. Am I like Martin Harris, who after repeated asking, God finally says "do what you want"?  I"m sure some people see me that way-- one a path being deceived by the Devil himself. They aren't judging per say but rather, they are saddened. Worried. 

I recently watched The Saratov Approach. In it, one of the Elders tells his story about deciding to go on a mission. He decided not to go but one day at church, he realized Jesus didn't want to suffer. He wanted a way out but he said, "not my will but thine" so this Elder realized, "I can do what I don't want to if it be the will of the Father." So he went. That story keeps coming back to me. The idea of 'carrying the cross', 'not my will but thine'. Am I not doing that? Am I being selfish? But what if I feel like this IS his will? That my soul is calling em on a journey and I accepted, sometimes going down a path I'm not sure I want to go down? Or I understand the scarlet A that will be my marker by sharing these things but that doesn't change the fact that I feel like, in some strange way, I'm fulfilling my destiny by embarking on this adventure. Almost like an anthropologist who goes off to live in another culture-- experience everything-- so she can understand and then hope to help the world see. 

Can I still be an example of a stalwart disciple of Jesus Christ? Can I still be someone others look up to? Some may not. Perhaps I will lose some people but I think those I can help understand more, love more will be who I need to be reaching at this moment. My actions will glorify God because I'm learning more about him as I go on this journey. That is the sole purpose of it-- let go and let God. To know Him and Jesus Christ in a way I've never known them before. I have learned more about the Atoning Sacrifice of our Savior this time reading the Book of Mormon (with these new eyes) than I ever have before. I have learned more about my divine design and destiny; the importance of loving God and your neighbor; more about how to love God with all your might, mind, and strength; more about faith, hope and charity; more about the power of God. Could I be learning all that if I was off the beaten path? If I was being led by Satan? Would my heart yearn for a close relationship with my Savior if I was being deceived by his one true enemy?

No. I would deny him. I wouldn't seek to glorify him or honor him. I wouldn't want to wear a cross so all would know I follow him. I wouldn't want to bridge the gap between atheists and believes; Christians and non- Christians. I wouldn't respect nor admire those around me with steadfast faith and obedience in God's commandments. Look at the fallen in the scriptures-- they do not act this way. "By their fruits ye shall know them." I am more committed to Jesus Christ than I have ever been because only with understanding can I understand that I don't understand. Only by searching, seeking, opening myself up do I realize I need him. I don't know why He is the way, the truth, and the light or even how he is but I know he is. It is as simple as my faith is growing. 

So I will continue on this journey until I have learned what i need to learn. And something tells me I'm not even close to done because the more layers you peel back, the harder each layer gets. I am being challenged and tested with harder trials, more complex ideas, more unknown circumstances. But I wouldn't have it any other way. 

One life. One chance to get it right.

After much thought, I have decided to leave most of my thoughts for another day because this is a journey I want to document right-- giving each chapter it's proper due. So thus I begin with my preface... my introduction... my statement of intent.

I want to be honest. I want people to see. I want people to understand. I want people to love more honestly. I want people to know they are not alone if they are struggling too. I want people to see me for who I really am in this moment- not who I used to be or who they want me to be. I want people to see the profound peace and light that's possible when we answer the call of our soul. I want people to see the struggles of someone shedding the chains of society. I  want people to see just one way to let go and let God work his mighty miracles in someone's life. I want people to see that the soul really can heal the pain, mistakes, weaknesses that we inevitably experience in this mortal existence. i want people to see just how truly infinite we really are-- infinite in our being, in our potential and in our power for good.

With that wish, I give you a list. This list, though not conclusive, are the philosophies/beliefs that are most important to me right now in my life. These are my morals. They are my guiding lights.

1. I believe above all else in love. Pure, unadulterated, liberated love has the power to change ourselves, change our relationships, and change the world. So I have decided to love-- without labels, without restrictions, without ego. You see, "love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective." This means learning to love another person-- irregardless of their station in life, their gender, their religion.

2. My Soul, that spark of Divinity within me, will guide me to the experiences/people/places I need to so the River of Life will smooth the jagged edges of my imperfect Being.  "We... are here for the purpose of gaining all the knowledge and experience which can be obtained through earthly existence, of developing virtues which we lack and of wiping out all that is wrong with us, thus advancing towards the perfection of our natures. The Soul knows what environment and what circumstances will be enable us to do this, and hence He places us in that branch of life most suited for that object." Well said, Dr. Bach, well said.

3. I believe in seeking out the Truth wherever it may be found. I have found Truth already in the Book of Mormon and will continue to search that godly book for more Truth. I have found truth in books written by spiritual guides, former Monks, English doctors. I have found Truth in spending quality time with Mother Earth. I have found Truth when conversing with new friends, old friends, family and strangers.You know Truth when it fills your Being with light, with peace, with the feeling of godliness.

4. Let Go and Let God... Let go of the past. Let go of the future. "Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have." Only then, only by immersing yourself in the present moment can God work his miracles. For that is how Nephi lived his life-- being led by the Spirit not knowing before what he should do. We could all learn from Winnie the Pooh-- "What day is it?" Pooh asked. "It's today," squeaked Piglet. "My favorite day," said Pooh. Let today be your favorite day.


I'm striving to follow my Soul wherever it leads. This path may look crooked to some but I know, as long as I'm facing the Light, I cannot be in the wrong. I look forward to sharing my thoughts, my experiences, my trials, my joys with those who will take time to listen. 

Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith

My ride home from work takes me right along a river. The sun was setting and the river was perfectly still. I was breathing, taking it all in and the words of Jesus came to mind:

"Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin"

How can it be that it comes so easy to trust (or one could even say "believe") that the sun will rise each day yet when it comes to trusting in the Master of all creations or the very laws which make the sun rise, we hesitate and stumble? 

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding"

My own understanding is very limited; that is what's so frustrating about being mere mortals. If you are anything like me, I take comfort in reassurances. Fine, if I'm being totally honest, I need it so bad I"ll take it from random strangers. But that, I am coming to learn, means you do not really trust. I spent 26 years of my life thinking I trusted in God, believed he would take care of me but I don't. Not really. My trust comes in the form of "You're gonna take care of me... right?" or "Yeah, yeah.... I'm going to be okay. Yeah, I got this... yeah, here's a list of 435 reasons why this is a good idea. Yeah... we got this". Shocking the universe doesn't think I really trust it right?

There was a family of ducks crossing the river today. I thought to myself, "I bet the only thing that mother duck is thinking about is the fact that she's in the water, crossing to the other side with her babies. She is not chatting with her girlfriends, seeking confidence that crossing the river is a good idea. She simply knows." She trusts in herself, in nature, in her Creator.  She trusts just as the river she swims in trusts that if it needs to go somewhere, the wind will provide the way.

Oh how I longed to be as trusting as Mother Duck or Brother River in that moment. How I longed to have the peace which "passes all understanding". Such peace that surely only comes when trust is in your heart; from knowing that as surely as the sun will rise, so shall you. Each day.

"Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that [trust] him."

So how? How do I be like Mother Duck? How do I begin?
Step One--  "Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have."
Step Two-- Take a deep breath and leap.
Step Three-- Remember the lilies.  

The Square

It was in middle school. I was doing my normal "reading the newspaper purely for the comics" when I stopped to read an article. It told of a child abuse case in which this little boy's parents beat him with an electrical cord. They did other forms of abuse but that was the one that stuck out to me. My sheltered reality came tumbling down and there, admist the rubble, stood a girl who could not fathom why anyone would want to hurt a child in such a way. And then I remember the clear desire to hold that little boy in my arms and make sure no one ever hurt him again. It was that day I decided to become a children's social worker. My dreams have taken many forms since then but that story has remained with me, haunting me.

What did that boy need? What do the millions of children around the world need? Something stuck out ot me at the very end of The Square (a documentary of Egypt's revolutions on Netflix. Check it out!). Ahmed, one of the revolutionaries, said that he wasn't looking for a leader in Egypt, "someone to rule over us" but rather, he was looking to create a conscience. That is what would rule Egypt.

Conscience (n): 1. the inner sense of what is right or wrong in one's conduct or motives,              impelling one toward right action
       2. the complex of ethical and moral principles that controls or inhibits the               actions and thoughts of an individual
     
If we created a conscience, then good leaders would naturally rise. Or would we even need them at all? Replace "conscience" with "love":

If all of us had perfect love for every other person,

there would then be no need to have any other laws 

or commandments. Each of us would base his/her thoughts,

actions, and statements upon how they affected every other

soul, and we would do, think and say nothing that might

be harmful to another.

To build a global conscience where love was the rule of law would require more time and effort and resources than we might have the capacity to give. But that does not mean we stop striving. "For with God, nothing shall be impossible." (Luke 1:37). God. That is the key. Not so much converting people to your religion because we know that often creates more problems than it solves but it's remembering what is good about your religion. The compassion. The charity. The forgiveness. The hope. The selflessness. The holiness.That is the conscience this world so sorely needs.

Every aspect of the universe is breathing with life, with energy:: every person, every object, every animal. There energies collide as two ripples in a pond. Everyone is affected whether you are aware of it or not. In this way, every interaction we have produces a new energy that is sent out in the universe-- a good energy or a bad energy.

 I went to a mediation class last Saturday. The mentor taught us a mantra that was important he said: "I am nothing. I know nothing. I want for nothing." Every time I said "I am nothing" my body rejected it. "I am not nothing", my soul said to me, "I am everything. I am the light from the sun. I am the sound of the birds I hear outside. I am the love I feel for my friends and family. I am ......" So that must mean I am literally made up of all the energy I surround myself with every day. I am only because of my interactions with others. It is what creates me. It is what makes my existence real.

Now what if this energy being created was the way to create a conscience. We need to be creating positive energy so that the conscience we are building is a positive one. How do we do this? By having positive interactions with everything around us. This is more than a good word exchanged between friends once a month.

 What would happen if all the food we ate was grown with love and eaten with gratitude? What would happen if when walking home from work or school, you thanked the trees for giving you shade? Stopped to smell the beautiful flowers in bloom? Didn't kill the bug you found in your room but rather scooped it up with a paper and took it outside?

What would happen if every time you went to the grocery store, you smiled, talked with, loved the person scanning your groceries? Or when you went to the movie theater, do you bother to call the workers by their name? I mean, they do wear name tags don't they?

What if we took advantage of the thousands of opportunities presented to us each day? These connections do more than create love, peace, happiness and place it out in the universe-- they weave together fibers connecting all one to another. Soon, those fibers become stronger, unbreakable until the world is blanketed with the fabric of love. Love is the strongest material there is.

So what do I need to do? That was my original question. What is my role in all of this? I need to be more aware of the energy I'm creating with others. I need to learn more about Futbol so the next time I'm in a pub in a foreign land, I can make conversation with the fellows watching the latest Euro match. I need to kill less bugs; spend more time outside creating bonds with Mother Earth. I can learn basic nursing so when there is a sickness around, I can offer loving, knowledgeable hands to help. I can buy an acre of land and plant fruit trees so my whole neighborhood can enjoy the fruits of summer. I can start looking people in the eye so they know I truly see them; really learn their names and call them by it so they know they're more than just a face.

I need to be so committed to the idea that love is what the world needs that I literally become love. Personify it. Embody it in body, spirit, mind. 

My Two Cents about NOAH

In one of my Humanities classes in college, my teacher told us that with the invention of the camera, art suddenly had the freedom to capture more that what their eye could see. Thus, modern art became a pursuit of imagination, doing what has never been done before, introducing worlds people have never seen. It made art more powerful.

NOAH is exactly that. The makers of this movie, in my opinion, were not setting out to tell the story of Noah. If you want to see it, go watch a cartoon you were always shown in Sunday School. If you want to see it, go read Genesis. BUT, if you want to see the idea of Noah presented in a powerful, thought-provoking, fantastical (as in fantasy-like) way, go experience NOAH. For it truly is an experience.

What is the theme of the story of Noah? What is the idea? I've been thinking about this ever since I talked with my sister about her experience seeing this movie. She said Noah was, for her, always a story of obedience. For me, Noah was always a story of..... well, I didn't even really know. For Darren Aronofsky, Noah is a story of starting over. So many different ways of getting off the path intended for you and various ways of getting back on. That was the driving theme of this movie-- people getting off a path and how to get back on it. 

Humanity, for example, had strayed so far off the path intended for them by the Creator. (It didn't really bother me that they never called him God because the movie is about creation. Creating new life, creating original life so it seemed fit to call him by that title.) Aronofsky's depiction of the evil humanity had succumbed to was both subtle and in your face. I finally understood what the Bible meant by saying men were so wicked it disgusted God. I was disgusted by humans in that movie; by their subtle pride and reliance on themselves alone, to their destruction of the creations around them, to the cold, hard hearts. Sometimes, we get so far off the path that there is no way to get back on but by starting completely over. Thus, the Creator decided to wipe humanity off the Earth and start again. Try again. So he did.... obviously by a flood because that's the story.

But Aronofsky and and Handel (the second writer) didn't stop there. They saw and portrayed other examples of getting off the path. They used this biblical story as an avenue for exploring that.

Noah himself got off the path. He became so blinded by one commandment, one idea-- the wickedness of man-- that he forgot all other commandments. He was consumed with wanting to be so obedient because he could feel the weight of his calling. Could this be a commentary on religion in general-- how sometimes extremists focus so much on one commandment, they forget about mercy, love, change, and faith? Yes. This idea is both universal and personal. I found myself reflecting of how often I've done that in my life-- and how, like Noah, I learned to get back on the real path. Noah did it through realizing the love in his heart, taking control over his own decisions rather than assuming God would take control, and through forgiveness. Making Noah human made him real.

Sometimes we get off the path because we do not allow ourselves to get on it. We do not allow ourselves the happiness the Creator intended for us. Ila (Emma Watson's character) went through that journey. She did not let herself on that path because of she was damaged (I don't want to give too much away!). Whether it be through tragedy, illness, disabilities, circumstances-- we are not on the path of the Creator but just as with Ila, it is through God's mercy that we can begin walking. Ila's story hit me more than others perhaps because I'm a woman so I felt as though I could understand exactly what she was feeling and so, when the Creator blessed her, his mercy and love overwhelmed me to tears. Truly God is good. He does want us to be on the path of happiness.

You know, I said a silent prayer in my heart as the movie was starting. I said "God, I want to see beauty. I want to understand." I saw. I understood. And I'm grateful for the artists who were brave enough, inspired enough to create an avenue where I could draw closer to the Creator, be inspired to be a kinder human to all creations, and feel hope that no matter how I get off the path I can always get back on. 

When life starts feeling like an E! True Hollywood Story...

You know how in  E! True Hollywood Stories, they always break up a person's life into sections or "chapters"?  (Example: The Younger Years or A Star is Born) Yeah.... I do that. Funny thing about breaking your life into chapters-- you never really know when the next one is going to start. 

My life chapters have thus far been marked by events. "[Insert event] changed my life! Put my on a totally different trajectory!" So.... naturally, when I got home from my Mormon mission, I had this feeling that the chapter which began with that life-changing 18 months would last past my mission, through graduating college, and through anything else that would come my way until...... I became a "wife". Marriage was a logical next "big step which changes my life path forever (dun, dun dunnnnnnn)" But, remember how I said you can't really know when the next chapter is gonna start? Yeah........ 

The universe (or God or hindsight or [insert own noun]) blessed me this summer with seeing that this monumental day, my 26th birthday-- the day when I officially become closer to 30 than 20-- the day I officially feel old-- the day I'm not particularly excited about (I have this thing about even birthdays; I'm more of an odd number fan)-- would mark that next chapter. I know. I know. No event has kicked started this new era unless you want to count "finishing off a summer of being the world's greatest bum" as a special event. No real life epiphanies either. It just kind of happened. 

So what does this mean? I haven't the faintest idea. That's the other thing-- you can't really guess what the theme for your current chapter would be. I almost feel like that is messing with fate or destiny or something. It's trying to figure out the lesson before living through the trial. BUT, I do know what will end with the beginning of this new chapter.... and what most likely will continue. 

I'm saying goodbye to the land that has stubbornly planted itself in my heart- Utah. I'm not sure if it was Utah itself or if it was the people I met here, the college I attended, the adventures I had but our joint roller coaster ride through these past 7 years will forever bear their mark on my soul (to be a bit dramatic... which I can be... because I'm old now). Utah is to me what the blue blanket was to Linus; it was my security blanket that I literally felt afraid to go without.  But, just as Linus eventually left his "blankie" most likely to be put in his childhood box, so is Utah becoming a land of my past-- not my future.  

I'm also saying goodbye to the my most favorite outlook on life-- my beloved Peter Pan complex. I don't want to grow up; I don't like change; I like being able to do what I want, when I want; and I do believe in fairies. All the responsibility of being an adult seems so burdenous (I'm pretty sure this isn't an actual word but I like it so I'm gonna keep it) to me. You mean I now have to take responsibility for my actions? You mean I can't always just do what I want but perhaps should put aside my feelings for the greater good? You mean sometimes I have to take a job for the sole purpose of paying the bills? I DON'T WANT TO! (See? I told you I have a problem).  

I've come to realize that my Peter Pan complex is actually hurting me more than it's helping. I think Peter never realized that growing up doesn't mean you have to stop believing in fairies, or stop going on make-believe adventures. It simply means your world changes from you being the sun to the actual sun being the sun.....? I guess what I'm trying to say is being an adult has more to do with learning to be selfless and responsible than it does with no longer having "fun". I'll have to let you know how this pans out. ("Pan"... no pun intended... although that was pretty good....). 

There is one last thing I've realized about marking your life into chapters: simply because a chapter ends, doesn't mean the struggles end with it. This one is the biggest bummer of them all. I mean, shouldn't a new chapter give you a fresh start or something? A clean slate or at least the struggles of the past chapter be wrapped up nicely in the end. Although..... maybe, just maybe, the fresh start comes not in having troubles no longer but in having a new perspective on how to overcome them. Yeah.... I think that is it. It's almost like when you get to a new level in a game and you get a special power or some weapon or something gets "unlocked". I think I like that way of thinking better, it's more of a challenge (and if there is one thing Peter Pan loved more than Neverland, it was a challenge). 

Okay, this is long enough. Perhaps I'll learn how to stop rambling in this next chapter..... My dear friends, here's to a new chapter in the AWESOME life that belongs to Corrine Anne Christison.

I am an optimist. I always have been and I think I always will be.  I typically think this is a positive attribute to have. I don't understand when people see this as a problem.  That, somehow, because I'm looking at the world with "rose-colored glasses" that means I can't see reality. I am somehow ignorant of the biased media; or that I don't fully understand what evil there is out there in the world; or that I am uneducated about the happenings of other countries. Let me be very clear-- I know what the reality is. 

I will never forget the day my mind was first opened to the reality of child abuse. I was probably in middle school. I read about two parents who were going to jail because they whipped their boy with an electrical cord, burnt him with cigarette butts.  I will never forget when I learned about the genocide in Darfur. I was 16 years old. I saw pictures of the villages completely burned to the ground. I will never forget the day on my mission where I heard first hand accounts of two women who were sexually assaulted  I will never forget the day I visited the Genocide Memorial in Rwanda and saw the skulls and bones of countless people slaughtered.  I will never forget the day one of my 6th graders asked me what a "slut" meant because a few of her classmates were calling her that.

I am not ignorant of the world. I have lived in third world countries. I have seen poverty that most Americans cannot imagine. I have visited a mother and daughter living in a one-roomed shack smaller than the bedroom I'm currently sitting in; their only source of income being the tiny stand of a few vegetables and candies the only sold outside their home. I have met orphans whose families were killed in unspeakable ways by the LRA. I have met people who remember the days of the military coup in Ghana where they feared to walk around in case they got caught by some soldiers carrying the wrong voting card. I have read books, cross-referenced articles, watched documentaries, written papers (for I did study international development and anthropology in college) on the lives of women, children, men around the world facing conditions beyond imagination.

The hardest thing about knowing is the weight it adds to your soul. Make no mistake: I very much feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have been so troubled that I sob myself to sleep. I have been so overwhelmed that I question the very existence of a loving God.  I have been so angry that my hands shake and my heart feels it will leap out of my chest. I could let these emotions overpower me.  I could raise my voice by spewing words of hate against the acts committed by hundreds. I could join others in their diatribes about the evils of the world; I could join the ranks of those hating. But I will not. Some think it is a mark of courage, but there is no strength in hating.  The world needs to realize that it doesn't matter if you are hating something that is wrong-- it is still hate. I will not apologize for refusing to join the ranks. No, I will turn my anger, my sadness, my emotions into something better. I will turn them into love because to the very depths of my soul, to the very core of my being I believe in the power of love. 

The Fight We MUST Win.

L-O-V-E.  So much feeling is packed into this small four-letter word. In my opinion, it is the most beautiful in any language because it represents the best of humanity.  R-A-P-E.  Equally emotional, this is the most horrific four-letter word in the English language.  It represents all that is evil about the human race. 

The ultimate symbol of love between two people- sex- is turned into a power-show of horrific proportions through rape. Perhaps that is what makes it so uneasy to think about. Perhaps that is why we are so afraid of it. Sex is already stigmatized in many cultures that a violation of the act gets pushed further down the "do-no-talk-about" list.  

In fact, rape is so stigmatized that we do not like to report it; on top of that, the police often hesitate to do anything about what is reported.  To make matters worse, we feel uncomfortable placing blame on the perpetrators when blame ought to be placed.  Take the Steubenville Case. A CNN reporter had us lamenting the football careers of two teenagers who raped an almost unconscious 16-yr old girl.  Really?! "It's sad", they say.  No.  It is not sad that they do not get to play another day of football, they made their choice.  You know what is sad? The fact that those two boys, and the other onlookers who weren't penalized, thought it would be okay to have sex with a girl who never said "yes".  It is worse that they thought it was funny enough to take pictures, videos and blast in across the internet.  That is what is really sad about this story.  This heinous crime has worked its way into the minds and thoughts of teenage boys in Heartland, America-- the once iconic "innocence of America".  It seems as though no matter where you look, rape has left it destructive presence. 

We as a human race, for whatever reason, are slow to change. Honestly, it took us around 100,000 years to decide to plant food instead of chasing it around all year. It took 300 years for the Atlantic Slave Trade to be abolished.  It took a Civil War to free the slaves in America but it wasn't until over 50 years later that those of color truly became "free".

Rape has existed since .... well, forever, I suppose. Every 20 minutes, a woman in India is raped; it is down to less than every 5 minutes in South Africa; even America, that number ranges between every 2 to 6 minutes. It is easy to write it off as "a sad reality of life".  Try using that excuse to the girl repeatedly raped every day because she is held in bondage in a brothel.  Maybe we could use the excuse "well, that's more of a problem in the city with all those hoodlums".  Steubenville proved that one wrong.  Let's use the typical "insert-victim-blaming-insult-like-she-was-wearing-too-tight-of-clothes-or-she-was-flirting-or-she-was-drinking-too-much".  Try telling that to the countless girls who are on a date with a boy who just does not understand the word "NO".  Or tell that to the wife who is raped by her husband because he thinks it's his "right" to have sex whenever he demands.  

I admit that for the longest time, rape seemed like such a far-away thing; the problem of another time, another place.  I feel awful that, like countless other freshman at BYU, I made jokes about the rape whistles given to us. I feel awful that I spent the majority of my life not even giving a second thought to sexual violence; honestly, I'm not even sure when I realized such a thing existed in the world. But, thankfully (at least I see it as thankfully), I realized that rape effects our reality whether we think it does or not.   I would be lying if I said that every once in a while, when I see a man walking down the street towards me at night-- I hold my breath and I feel my heart starting to pick up. I feel my mind saying "please don't let him notice me. please don't let him do anything. please.".  Is this because I have had a "close call"? No.  It is because rape is part of my reality.  And I must tell you, it is a part of yours. Yes, you. The person reading this blog right now.  Rape is part of your reality.... whether you want it to be or not.  

Rape is not something we can, nor should, push aside any more. It finally feels like the cards are starting to unfold, the stars are aligning, all the ducks are coming in a row, whatever cliche you want to insert. The fact is that NOW is the time for us to STAND UP. This is more than a discussion of gender equality; the negative effects of the media; of pornography; of the marginalization of women. This is a discussion about HUMAN RIGHTS.  The most fundamental human right-- the freedom to choose-- is torn away through the act of rape. India, Egypt, and countless other countries are telling the world that they ready to change.  And these brave men and women are proving that our VOICES really are the most powerful weapon of all. But it cannot end there-- we must become more comfortable discussing the issues; education is key. We must hold police officers and judges responsible for upholding the law.  We must lend our voices in support for those men and women in different cities, different countries who are searching for their own solutions to the stigmas and hurdles in their society.  We must win this fight my friends. We must. 

that Catholic tradition I can't get enough of....

I have a confession to make.... I LOVE LENT! Seriously, ever since I started doing it, back in high school, my testimony of it has only grown.  It wasn't until I got to BYU that people said "But Corrine, you aren't Catholic"..... Well, I didn't know I had to be Catholic to find a reason to be closer to God. My bad.

See... that is what I love about Lent. The purpose of it-- to honor Jesus Christ.  In similitude of Christ fasting for 40 days, Catholics started the tradition of giving something up for the 40 days before Easter. Over the years I've given up TV to laziness to chocolate. Man, that last one was a toughie.

Ever since I realized Lent started crazy early this year, I've been thinking about what to do. I wanted to be prepared; really give this the deep thought such a tradition deserves. The idea came to me-- give up "mediocrity".  I pushed it aside because, how do you measure that? I mean, it's a good idea because someone once told me that the problem with my generation is that we are okay with being mediocre.  (I'm sure the same could be said for every generation).  But that idea-- MEDIOCRITY-- kept coming back.

I kept seeing all these inspirational quotes like:

So I did what any human being would do-- fall into a funk because I felt like the universe was telling me I am mediocre.  :)  Seriously though, all these "signs" seemed to be telling me that I'm being mediocre right now and something needs to be done about it.

I'm not mediocre because I make mistakes, just in the same way that what makes me extraordinary is not not making mistakes. I'm mediocre because I'm not living up to my potential. What is my potential? Well, I'm not entirely sure but I know it's big because I am royalty. I'm a daughter of God ....You see, it's GOD who makes me extraordinary. It's his influence, his belief in me, his Holy Spirit that inspires me to achieve great things; and it is his grace and strength that helps me do them.

So.... I AM going to be giving up mediocrity for Lent. And I'm going to do that by giving up for 40 days, those things which are taking my time away from God. (Admitting of course that I'm the weak one who can't help but be distracted by such things). So, what does that mean? That means no movies/TV (with one exception), no Facebook (minus once a week where I can answer messages since its the only way I have to communicate with some very important people in my life), and no internet. Goodbye Buzzfeed, goodbye Pinterest for 40 days. This doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to turn into a monk and only read my scriptures but let's just say I'll have a lot more time on my hands for service, for reading great literature, for mediation, for exercise... all those things which feed my soul and make me feel closer to God.

Lent 2013.... let's do this. 

may the future be brighter than the past

This is that time of year when every blogger is writing about this past year and their resolutions for the next. I decided instead to tell you of the New Year’s Resolution I have made for the WHOLE HUMAN RACE. I know, who am I to tell others what to do? I guess I should call this my “New Year’s Wish”. 

You see, I have gone through a lot this year that has only opened my eyes more to a matter that makes me fearful for our human existence. I feel like my favorite Disney princess who so wisely exclaims, "Look around you. This is where the path of hatred has brought us." My wish is only one word but like I said, this is a concept that mankind has struggled with since its existence but hey, we got some pretty awesome people living on this planet nowadays so why not now? Why not this year? 

The word is UNDERSTANDING. Do you understand what it means to really understand something? It means so much more than to just hear. It goes deeper than that. Compassion, respect, acknowledgement are all at the heart of understanding. In anthropology, we are encouraged to not just be flies on the wall but rather, to do what they do; live like they live.  This, we are taught, is the best way to truly understand. To borrow a cliche, we are encouraged to "walk a mile in their shoes".  

In order to be prepared to "walk a mile" and to be effective in it, our ears must be open.  Our minds must be open.  Our hearts must be open.  Often, because of my hearing loss, people ask me “did you catch that?” or “did you hear that?”  I always reply: “Well, I can HEAR but I can’t understand” meaning I can hear sounds and know someone is talking but my mind often fails to grasp what exactly they are saying.  I think too often in our lives, we hear without understanding.  We see without comprehending.  We feel without feeling.

In the Genocide Memorial in Rwanda lies a quote by Felicien Ntagengwa.  I’m not sure if she was a victim but her words pierced me. 

“If you knew me and really knew yourself, you would not have killed me”

A deep acknowledge of where misunderstanding comes from-- not knowing the other person, and really, not knowing ourselves (I encourage you to think about this one for a moment). A poignant thought and a solemn reminder of where misunderstanding ultimately leads. It does not have to be psychical death-- it could be the casting out of a family member; the bullying of a classmate or neighbor; the abandonment of a friend; and sadly yes, sometimes even violence. 

Cain and Abel.The Holocaust. Rwanda. The Herero. The Balkans. Cambodia. Armenia. Palestine and Israel.  Feminists and non-Feminists. Conservatives and Liberals. Shiites and Sunni. History is full of people, families, regions of the world torn apart because of misunderstanding. Ruth Benedict, a famous anthropologist wrote a book, Patterns of Culture, in 1934. Think of the world at this time.  Colonialism was still going strong; Hitler was on the rise in Germany, along with so many other radicals in Europe. She wrote:  

“Modern existence has thrown many civilizations into close contact, and at the moment the overwhelming response to this situation is nationalism and racial snobbery. There has never been a time when civilization stood more in need of individuals who are genuinely culture-conscious, who can see objectively the socially conditioned behavior of other peoples without fear and recrimination. Contempt for the alien is not the only possible solution of our present contact of races and nationalities” (24). 

 I think it would be fair to say that snobbery and contempt are all-too familiar responses to those who are different than us, whether it be a different nationality or culture or sexual preference or religion or political affiliation or diet or hairstyle or recycling habits or….. well, you get the picture. 

Now, before you completely freak out thinking I'm telling you you need to become some hippie- free-loving person or some suit-wearing-money-loving person.... that is not what I'm saying. You do not need to become in order to understand.  You simply have to listen with an open heart and an open mind.  Be willing to RESPECT, to HUMANIZE, to EMPATHIZE with those different from you and maybe, just maybe allow yourself to WALK a mile in their shoes. You might be surprised what you find.

So this year, please, let us be willing to let go of prejudice, stereotypes, preconceived notions and yes, even be willing to admit when you are wrong. The outcome is worth it, I promise. Trust me, I'm an Anthropology Major. 

FINALLY!

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! CORRINE FINALLY GETS A JOB!!

Finally. It feels like an elephant has been on my shoulders the past few months and he's finally gone.  He was getting a little heavy to carry around. Enough about the elephant.... aren't you dying to know what I'm going to be doing? I'll tell you.

I will be a "para-educator" (fancy term for "teacher's aide") at Sharon Elementary School in Orem, UT.  I'll be mostly working with the special ed kids.  It is really cool.  The school believes that those with learning problems-- either due to autism or other issues-- should still be in the regular classroom as much as possible.  Something about being surrounded by what they should be learning helps..... I don't know Education Psychology.  Anyways, so I'll basically be shuffled around different classes throughout the day helping the kids that need help.  I'll be working with 1st through 6th grade. Isn't that cool?

There's only one small problem: I have NO idea what I'm doing... or even what I'm getting myself into.  Elementary kids? Teaching them? WHAT?!?! I'm all for playing "monster" and chasing them around the room but I'm pretty sure the teacher wouldn't be too happy about that....... I mean, hello! I was the babysitter who let the kids watch TV (even when the parentals specifically told me not to let them) and stay up till right before the parentals came home. I'm the one who plays with the kids cause I still think I am one.

Well, it'll be an adventure for sure.  It's interesting because this is not what I thought I would be doing but for some reason I'm really really really excited about it.  Perhaps the excitement is because it is something new, something else for me to learn; perhaps it is due to the simple fact that it is a job and I so badly needed one.... but regardless of the reason, I decided to not OVERANALYZE it, not REJECT it simply because it doesn't fit into my "what would look best on your resume for working in Africa" mindset, and just let it be.

Wish me luck.... or maybe, wish the kids luck? They probably need it more than I do.


ps.  The best way to celebrate is really to have a one-song dance party with the Gma... which is of course what I did.

Attitude of Gratitude

This is probably the LEAST amount of words I've ever written in a blog post.  Somehow it doesn't seem enough-- enough to adequately express the gratitude I feel for every single person in my life.  They say a picture is worth a thousand words though so one picture will have to do-- one picture to tell a story of the countless others who have inspired me, strengthened me, entertained me, pushed me, taught me, and most importantly loved me. For those who have been a part of my life this year, I thank you. 

You remind me that we are more alike than we are different. 

   You make me feel alive.

You encourage me to hope for a better world.  

 You give me someone to look up to.

  You believe in the power of my dreams.

You are still here.

You show me that angels truly do come in human form.         

   You inspire me to be the best I can be. 

You teach me what it means to be a mother.  

                                                       You give me the gift of your friendship.

               

 You walk with me in the rain.