The Real LDS Feminists... and the lessons I learned from them.

Lately, there has been a lot of talks on "women" thanks to the current election, several new articles about LDS feminists, and even a recent blog post on modesty.  I've noticed a trend of negativity in those articles.  Negative thoughts about women.  Negative thoughts about men.  Negative thoughts about the LDS Church.  Negative thoughts about ...... just NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE.

I don't like feeling negatively about women... or about men.  Or anyone/anything for that matter. Negativity never leads to something positive. So I decided to turn my scowl into a smile.  In order to do that, I needed to be inspired.  I needed to look to my she-roes of old-- you know, those women that inspire you with their faith in God, their courage and their sheer awesomeness.  That is where the title for this blog comes into play:  The Real  LDS Feminists and the Lessons I Learned from Them. I call them "true feminists" because I believe that they inhibit all that is wonderful about a woman... and all that is wonderful about being a disciple of Jesus Christ... and I called them "real" because they have stood the test of time unlike you and I.

Let me introduce you to them.

ESTHER, queen of Persia

RUTH, the converted Moabite

EMMA SMITH,  first RS president

I've decided to not really tell you my thoughts actually.  I would rather let these women speak for themselves.  So, I'm going to tell you their stories... in my own words.  See them through my eyes.... and from that, you can see the lessons I learned from them. 

Esther.  Oh, how I want to name one of daughters after this brave woman. I always picture Esther as the quiet type; beautiful but shy.  Not really a trouble maker. She was not out to prove anything to the world and even with all she was asked to do, that never changed.  You see, Esther was asked to approach the King to save her people. No one, let alone a woman, was allowed to simply go speak with the King.  Esther was sure to tell her uncle this.  But he responded with words of wisdom: "For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time, then call there enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place;... and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14) Mordecai reminded Esther that this duty was not one of "sticking it to the man" but rather, one of saving a people.  Esther decided to do it.  She approached the King with humility, a prayer in her heart, and with fasting.  She did not use this opportunity to prove something to society; to "stick it to the man".  She used it instead to be an instrument in God's hands. 

Ruth.  Gentle, sweet Ruth.  She was a convert to the Gospel.  Once her husband died, society told her that she should return to her people, her family.  That's not such a terrible thing you know?  Ruth did not let society tell her what to do. Instead, she turned to the God she had grown to love.  I have no doubt she prayed to ask what he would have her do with this situation.  She got her answer-- to go with Naomi, live with the covenant people.  Naomi would not have it.  She told Ruth to go back to Moab but Ruth insisted: "Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for wither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God" (Ruth 1:16).  Ruth did not use her own personal revelation to tell others what to do-- not even her own sister by marriage who returned to Moab.  Instead, she walked side by side with Naomi, confident that she was doing the right thing for herself.

Emma.  I don't think anyone will ever fully understand the weight that was on Emma Smith's shoulders. I also want to name one of my daughters Emma.  What a heritage.  Emma was a witness to the Restoration of the fulness of Christ's church. Emma watched as men, and even a woman, were witnesses to the golden plates.  God reassured her: "Murmur not because of the things which thou hast not see, for they are withheld from thee and from the world, which is wisdom in me in a time to come" (Doctrine and Covenants 25:4).  Emma learned to trust that things beyond her understanding were not beyond God's wisdom.  She was put to the test again and again as she watched imperfect men receive the priesthood; as she watched her husband took more wives.  Despite this, she did not let the world's view that "she wasn't getting all she deserved" stop her from reaching her potential as an "elect lady".  She worked hard to care for the sick in Nauvoo that first summer; she organized the first Hymnal; she served faithfully as the Relief Society's first president. 

Amazing women aren't they? They were strong.  They were courageous.  They defied their society's expectations of what a woman's role was.  They were faithful.  They were real. They performed miracles.  Think of what they received! Esther was even more loved by the King.  Ruth remarried to a wonderful man.  Emma was promised the highest degree of glory.  But let us look beyond them, Esther saved an entire people from persecution;  Ruth's posterity included King David and stretched down to Jesus Christ; and Emma is the reason the Relief Society was even formed, an organization that is blessing millions of women around the world. 

I want to be a real LDS feminist.  I want to be humble, courageous, defy expectations, faithful.... I want to perform miracles.  After all, a lot is expected of us-- the women of this last dispensation.  Let us rise to the occasion like those she-roes of old- with humility, with faith in Jesus Christ, with wisdom and understanding, with compassion, with all those traits that make us, as women, beautiful powerful. 

Fire hurts...

As long as I can remember, I have loved the analogy of being clay in a potter's hands. I love the feeling of the Master's hands gently pulling me or pushing me.  Sure, sometimes I cannot see what I am supposed to be-- I look more like a blob than anything right now but hey, I have trust that the Potter knows. He knows what he wants me to be and all that pushing and prodding is worthwhile.  Occasionally, he has to wet me down to keep me soft but for the most part, I've done pretty well at moving when he pushes.


Contrast that with the image of the "refiner's fire".  Ugh. This analogy makes me uncomfortable.  Hot temperatures beyond comprehension; a sweaty, dirty man adding more coals to the pit; steam, flames of yellow and red.... seriously, not a pretty picture. I don't care if it can turn a coal into a diamond or whatever the analogy was, I'll stick to my clay.  Molding clay does not hurt, walking through fire does. 

This might take a little patience on your part but I would love to tell you how I got here,n writing a blog post about the "refiner's fire" or being clay... and it's kind of a long story, but worth the read (I promise).


I have a confession..... I wear hearing aids.  So I was trying to find a picture where you can see them good; this is the best I could find. (And please, who doesn't want to see a picture of me at 13 years old?) In fact, I have had hearing aids since the 3rd grade.  The only thing I remember when I got them was having my teacher talk about it in class; my mother bought my sister and I books about sign language and one about a girl who had hearing aids... I think it was supposed to make us feel okay with being different.  Needless to say, I don't really remember not having hearing aids and yet... I never identified myself as being hearing impaired.  I rarely  thought about the fact that I wore hearing aids.  Maybe this was because I couldn't remember life without them. It was a fact like the sun rises each day.  Something that is and always will be.

In fact, I was so far removed from this identity that it would literally irk me when people called me that.... "hearing impaired".  I saw it as an insult, somehow undermining my strength or my humanity (to be somewhat dramatic).  I hate how on some DVDs, when you go to put on English subtitles it says "English for the Hearing Impaired". I almost wouldn't put on subtitles in rebellion to that "derogatory" term.

Denial was my greatest coping mechanism.  When denial wasn't an option because someone pointed out that there was something in my ear; I simply replied, nonchalantly, "oh my ears are broken and these help me hear".  They would drop the matter after that.  I even tried making a joke about it-- I have been known to say "Well, you see, I'm just SO perfect God had to make something wrong with me to keep me humble... ya know?"  Yeah, even if that was God's plan, it didn't work-- I am far from humble.

It has now been almost two months since that fateful day after rafting the Nile River when I went to put my "ears", as I humorously nicknamed them, back in and one of them would not turn on. To make matters worse, the other aid only worked at around 30%. I remember when we finally got home, I went into my bedroom and just cried.  I couldn't help it.  For the second time this summer I was thrown face to face with a reality I had not only escaping for 16 years but a reality I thought was still five, ten years down the road.  That reality was.... My ears ARE broken, I AM hearing impaired, and it is NOT going to get better.

I cannot even begin to tell you all the thoughts that ran through my mind that night and every night since then.  But, I do want to share with you a few because like it or not, we will all have to pass through the refiner's fire at some point in our lives.  It might hit you unexpected, like it did me but when you are in it, there is nowhere to go but forward.  You cannot turn back, you've already been burned.

They say that once Satan pulls you down, he will never join you for the fall. He is more than willing to build up your pride, to keep your stubborn, to even entice you with a rewarding future but the second God places you in the refiner's fire, Satan bolts for the emergency exit.  I think that is why the refiner's fire was so hard for me at first.  All the things I relied on most to get me through my hearing impairment-- pride, stubbornness and a"dream big" attitude evaporated in the first burst of flames.  My pride couldn't do much when suddenly I was completely and utterly dependent on others to translate conversations, answer my phone, etc; my stubbornness only isolated me more because I was unwilling to admit I was anything less than strong, independent; and my "dream big" attitude was crushed in the reality that I could never change the world when I couldn't hear it.

So there I was, barely in this fire when I fell. I landed on my knees, with my head hung low in my hands. Luckily, unlike my life-long imagery of this ruthless refiner's fire, God doesn't leave you kneeling for long.  He offers you a sip of cool water and points you in the right direction.  He might offer some loving words by reminding you who you are and that despite what you think, you can get through this. He puts people in your path who are willing to walk through the fire with you-- even if for a brief moment.  These are friends and family who are willing to be patient with the big things and who rejoice in the small things.  They are the ancient and modern Prophets who speak inspiring words. But like I mentioned, they can only walk part of the way with you because this is not their fire to walk through.


There is one person, however, who will walk with you the whole way.  He will walk in silence when you just need to cry.  He will hold your hand when you need the strength.  He will kindly listen to you tell some pointless story while you sit on a bench, resting till you have the determination to walk through the next set of flames.  His name is Jesus Christ.  Now, I know that not everyone who reads this blog believes in Christ.  I'm not here to tell you to, I'm simply here to tell you that right now, He is the only one I know that is beside me every step of the way.  The refiner's fire is when you must put to the test everything you say you believe.  I have known Jesus Christ was the Son of God for about as long as I can remember... and I have said it to people too but now, when it really counts, can I trust it? Do I have faith enough?  Some days I do, some days I don't.  I like to think on the days I don't, that is when He is holding my hand.

So that is my story.  As of yet I'm still here, walking through this refiner's fire.  I'm trying to get my hearing back to where it was with the help of new hearing aids (though I'm growing more comfortable with the likelihood that my hearing will never get back to where it was before without a cochlear implant).  I attempt to talk with people on the phone-- sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail.  My future still seems unclear but luckily, my God is a painter who has shown me a few pictures of what life will be like after this fire clears.  And those who have walked with me for a mile or two? I'm not sure they will ever know just how grateful I am for I never would've made it this far without them.