You know how in E! True Hollywood Stories, they always break up a person's life into sections or "chapters"? (Example: The Younger Years or A Star is Born) Yeah.... I do that. Funny thing about breaking your life into chapters-- you never really know when the next one is going to start.
My life chapters have thus far been marked by events. "[Insert event] changed my life! Put my on a totally different trajectory!" So.... naturally, when I got home from my Mormon mission, I had this feeling that the chapter which began with that life-changing 18 months would last past my mission, through graduating college, and through anything else that would come my way until...... I became a "wife". Marriage was a logical next "big step which changes my life path forever (dun, dun dunnnnnnn)" But, remember how I said you can't really know when the next chapter is gonna start? Yeah........
The universe (or God or hindsight or [insert own noun]) blessed me this summer with seeing that this monumental day, my 26th birthday-- the day when I officially become closer to 30 than 20-- the day I officially feel old-- the day I'm not particularly excited about (I have this thing about even birthdays; I'm more of an odd number fan)-- would mark that next chapter. I know. I know. No event has kicked started this new era unless you want to count "finishing off a summer of being the world's greatest bum" as a special event. No real life epiphanies either. It just kind of happened.
So what does this mean? I haven't the faintest idea. That's the other thing-- you can't really guess what the theme for your current chapter would be. I almost feel like that is messing with fate or destiny or something. It's trying to figure out the lesson before living through the trial. BUT, I do know what will end with the beginning of this new chapter.... and what most likely will continue.
I'm saying goodbye to the land that has stubbornly planted itself in my heart- Utah. I'm not sure if it was Utah itself or if it was the people I met here, the college I attended, the adventures I had but our joint roller coaster ride through these past 7 years will forever bear their mark on my soul (to be a bit dramatic... which I can be... because I'm old now). Utah is to me what the blue blanket was to Linus; it was my security blanket that I literally felt afraid to go without. But, just as Linus eventually left his "blankie" most likely to be put in his childhood box, so is Utah becoming a land of my past-- not my future.
I'm also saying goodbye to the my most favorite outlook on life-- my beloved Peter Pan complex. I don't want to grow up; I don't like change; I like being able to do what I want, when I want; and I do believe in fairies. All the responsibility of being an adult seems so burdenous (I'm pretty sure this isn't an actual word but I like it so I'm gonna keep it) to me. You mean I now have to take responsibility for my actions? You mean I can't always just do what I want but perhaps should put aside my feelings for the greater good? You mean sometimes I have to take a job for the sole purpose of paying the bills? I DON'T WANT TO! (See? I told you I have a problem).
I've come to realize that my Peter Pan complex is actually hurting me more than it's helping. I think Peter never realized that growing up doesn't mean you have to stop believing in fairies, or stop going on make-believe adventures. It simply means your world changes from you being the sun to the actual sun being the sun.....? I guess what I'm trying to say is being an adult has more to do with learning to be selfless and responsible than it does with no longer having "fun". I'll have to let you know how this pans out. ("Pan"... no pun intended... although that was pretty good....).
There is one last thing I've realized about marking your life into chapters: simply because a chapter ends, doesn't mean the struggles end with it. This one is the biggest bummer of them all. I mean, shouldn't a new chapter give you a fresh start or something? A clean slate or at least the struggles of the past chapter be wrapped up nicely in the end. Although..... maybe, just maybe, the fresh start comes not in having troubles no longer but in having a new perspective on how to overcome them. Yeah.... I think that is it. It's almost like when you get to a new level in a game and you get a special power or some weapon or something gets "unlocked". I think I like that way of thinking better, it's more of a challenge (and if there is one thing Peter Pan loved more than Neverland, it was a challenge).
Okay, this is long enough. Perhaps I'll learn how to stop rambling in this next chapter..... My dear friends, here's to a new chapter in the AWESOME life that belongs to Corrine Anne Christison.
