Christian Grey is a messed up man. He really should be seeing a therapist to work through his issues. But he does not live in such a world; he lives in a world where brooding, domineering men are seen as mysterious and troubled. This does not excuse what he did at all but it helps take some of the blame off of the handcuffs and blindfolds and onto the man committing the acts.
When done right (aka in healthy, educated situations), BDSM provides an environment of trust and intimacy as well as one of sexual exploration. The stigma really needs to be taken off this community and I hope this film -- even though, from what I hear, most in the BDSM world despises it for its inaccurate representation-- will open up an avenue for discussion about this side of erotica and sex.
Anastasia is not completely blameless either. However, she is naive and is a product, just as Christian is, of a world where women bodies are for the use of men. I have fallen victim more than once to the ideology that "men only want me for my body" or "if a man wants it, if I don't see a good reason to say no (because just not wanting to isn't good enough), then I shouldn't say no". Just as I hope 50 Shades opens up the BDSM community to less discrimination, I hope it also opens up discussion on the hyper-sexualization of women.
Along with glorifying women solely for their bodies, and along with glorifying the dark troubled man, we also glorify money. It's the modernization of Prince Charming coming to rescue Cinderella out of obscurity, low self-esteem, and poverty that leads women into overlooking unhealthy relationship signs.
I've come to try and live my life by a quote I found last year:
"The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better."
So instead of just demonizing 50 Shaes, calling it porn, let's ask what about our society needs to be changed so something like this is seen for what it is, instead of what it is not. Let's promote healthy, safe sex (whether that be handcuffs or missionary style) instead of promoting violence sex. Let us promote love being the motivating factor instead of lust. Let's promote the keys to a healthy life-- dealing with past scars; seeking a selfless existence, developing self-awareness. Let us promote a society that glamorizes service, love, people as people, and stears clear of glamorizing money, fame, success.
Let us promote it through our own actions-- self reflect today on your own relationships. Are they healthy? Are they uplifting you? Are they helping you be a better person? Reflect on your own actions. Are your intentions pure? Are you conscious of your motivations? Do you need to go see a therapist or perhaps a good friend to heal from past hurts? Take notice when you watch movies. Do you agree or not with the character's actions? Are you rationalizing away bad behavior?
As always,
"be the change you wish to see in the world".
1 comment:
Well done Corrine!
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