"I think I want to go back to Utah". This thought came to me near the beginning of this summer. I know what you are thinking.... "But Corrine, don't you hate Utah?", or "Corrine, you just spent the last 5 years trying to get out of Utah!", or maybe even "But what about DC or NC like you were talking about earlier?" Trust me, I have asked myself all of those questions and probably more questions you haven't even thought of.
Since I've already gotten asked all of these questions, and I know that with each person who finds out, I will only get asked them again, I decided to tell the world (okay, let's face it, like, three people read this blog but.... let's aim for the world) WHY I decided to pack my bags into my run-down car and head back to Utah.
*(Side note: These reasons are in order of "deep"-ness).
Reason 1: I still have friends there! This is probably the least "important" in terms of being a grown-up, by golly, I would miss all my darling peeps. I have been blessed to have friends scattered across the country so friends in Utah, don't go getting a big head or anything. I think this is more of a huge BONUS for going back then an actual reason but we'll count it.
Reason 2: Now we are getting a little bit more serious, but not uber "sappy/deep". I decided to take a year off before graduate school because I wanted to build up my resume. I wanted to give schools something that says "wow. she's done a lot already!" Ergo, I wanted a job doing development, or anthropology, or nonprofit. But, I also needed a job that would pay me money; I have loans to pay off, rent, savings, etc.
I began my job search... DC grew frustrating because the things I qualified for didn't pay anything (because they were all internships) and I could NOT afford to live in that expensive city making little to now money. One of the lessons of adulthood is that everything has a time and a place in our lives. I will have my day in DC, it's just not today. North Carolina is a GREAT place for finding entry level jobs in the business field but even just looking at the job postings made me want to fall asleep. No offense my business friends. So then Utah comes along and BAM! The more I looked, the more I found jobs that interested me, that would benefit the community, AND would pay me. What? Utah seemed to be the place to find the job I was looking for. My dad said to me yesterday, "You gotta go to where the jobs are." So that is what I'm doing.
Reason 3: Are you ready for some depth? I have spent almost seven years of growing, learning, struggling, laughing in Provo. I have spent Thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas, New Year's, birthdays, etc in this place. I have experienced birth and death. I have loved, and lost that love. So..... as much as I didn't want to admit it (and sometimes still don't ) Utah has become more of a home than anywhere else. That should count for something right?
Reason 4: God gave me one task this last year when I returned to Utah. He said "learn to love Provo... really love it". I won't get all personal but let's just say I spent all of last year looking at when I got to leave this "blasted" place instead of learning to love. I ran out of Utah as fast as I could, relieved to see it in my rear-view mirror. I thought I could leave my regrets there, leave everything behind because finally I was gone.
Then, as time went on, I realized I failed. I had failed at the one task God gave me and instead of leaving Provo a better person, being grateful for the time I had spent there, I left Provo with a lot of regret. I soon found myself thinking "man, I wish I could do last year over again". Seldom in life do we get second chances. This is my second chance. This is a chance for me to go and learn to love Utah. Let Utah into my heart and let it change me in a way I have never let it before.
To end this post, let's continue with this theme of change shall we? I read a quote today (no matter where I read it or who it was by) that said: "Prepare, don't plan". For a person who has Plan A-Z for the next five years of her life, and for a person who makes a hourly schedule of her day... .this is hard advice to take. So I could just ignore it right? WRONG. This struck a chord with me. I guess it is time to change my mentality about life once again. Le sigh.
Preparing for life implies changing, growing, getting ready for. I looked up "prepare" in the dictionary and it gave a wonderful definition. In music, to prepare means to "lead up to (a discord, an embellishment, etc) by some preliminary tone or tones". So whether my life has a discord or an embellishment waiting for me, that is a mystery. All I know is that I going to practice, and sweat, and laugh, and cry, and challenge myself so that when the times comes, I will be ready for those discords and embellishments.
My dad told me yesterday (what? he was on a roll of wisdom okay?) "You don't always have to have the right answer, or any answer. You just have to have an opinion". So whether I'm wrong or I'm right, I'm thinking that Utah is the best place I can be to make those preparations and I'm thinking God is okay with that too.
Since I've already gotten asked all of these questions, and I know that with each person who finds out, I will only get asked them again, I decided to tell the world (okay, let's face it, like, three people read this blog but.... let's aim for the world) WHY I decided to pack my bags into my run-down car and head back to Utah.
*(Side note: These reasons are in order of "deep"-ness).
Reason 1: I still have friends there! This is probably the least "important" in terms of being a grown-up, by golly, I would miss all my darling peeps. I have been blessed to have friends scattered across the country so friends in Utah, don't go getting a big head or anything. I think this is more of a huge BONUS for going back then an actual reason but we'll count it.
Reason 2: Now we are getting a little bit more serious, but not uber "sappy/deep". I decided to take a year off before graduate school because I wanted to build up my resume. I wanted to give schools something that says "wow. she's done a lot already!" Ergo, I wanted a job doing development, or anthropology, or nonprofit. But, I also needed a job that would pay me money; I have loans to pay off, rent, savings, etc.
I began my job search... DC grew frustrating because the things I qualified for didn't pay anything (because they were all internships) and I could NOT afford to live in that expensive city making little to now money. One of the lessons of adulthood is that everything has a time and a place in our lives. I will have my day in DC, it's just not today. North Carolina is a GREAT place for finding entry level jobs in the business field but even just looking at the job postings made me want to fall asleep. No offense my business friends. So then Utah comes along and BAM! The more I looked, the more I found jobs that interested me, that would benefit the community, AND would pay me. What? Utah seemed to be the place to find the job I was looking for. My dad said to me yesterday, "You gotta go to where the jobs are." So that is what I'm doing.
Reason 3: Are you ready for some depth? I have spent almost seven years of growing, learning, struggling, laughing in Provo. I have spent Thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas, New Year's, birthdays, etc in this place. I have experienced birth and death. I have loved, and lost that love. So..... as much as I didn't want to admit it (and sometimes still don't ) Utah has become more of a home than anywhere else. That should count for something right?
Reason 4: God gave me one task this last year when I returned to Utah. He said "learn to love Provo... really love it". I won't get all personal but let's just say I spent all of last year looking at when I got to leave this "blasted" place instead of learning to love. I ran out of Utah as fast as I could, relieved to see it in my rear-view mirror. I thought I could leave my regrets there, leave everything behind because finally I was gone.
Then, as time went on, I realized I failed. I had failed at the one task God gave me and instead of leaving Provo a better person, being grateful for the time I had spent there, I left Provo with a lot of regret. I soon found myself thinking "man, I wish I could do last year over again". Seldom in life do we get second chances. This is my second chance. This is a chance for me to go and learn to love Utah. Let Utah into my heart and let it change me in a way I have never let it before.
To end this post, let's continue with this theme of change shall we? I read a quote today (no matter where I read it or who it was by) that said: "Prepare, don't plan". For a person who has Plan A-Z for the next five years of her life, and for a person who makes a hourly schedule of her day... .this is hard advice to take. So I could just ignore it right? WRONG. This struck a chord with me. I guess it is time to change my mentality about life once again. Le sigh.
Preparing for life implies changing, growing, getting ready for. I looked up "prepare" in the dictionary and it gave a wonderful definition. In music, to prepare means to "lead up to (a discord, an embellishment, etc) by some preliminary tone or tones". So whether my life has a discord or an embellishment waiting for me, that is a mystery. All I know is that I going to practice, and sweat, and laugh, and cry, and challenge myself so that when the times comes, I will be ready for those discords and embellishments.
My dad told me yesterday (what? he was on a roll of wisdom okay?) "You don't always have to have the right answer, or any answer. You just have to have an opinion". So whether I'm wrong or I'm right, I'm thinking that Utah is the best place I can be to make those preparations and I'm thinking God is okay with that too.
2 comments:
You know what's funny about this? I was thinking of a calling you while I was on my lunch break to see how things were going. A tear of joy is seriously trickling down my cheek right now! So glad you're coming back. Let me know if you need anything!
Your dad WAS on a roll. Our loss but Utah's gain. Make this second chance a good one.
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