"It is better to pass through sorrow...."

"And in that day Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God.

And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient." (Moses 5:10-11)

I have thought a lot about Adam and Eve, especially Eve in these past few months. Struck by Eve's responses to the whole experience-- "It is better to pass through all this hardness, sorrow, and toil so that we can know good from evil"-- I've wondered why she would say something like that? Why, for her, was it not enough to simply believe God when he said "Don't eat this." It was enough for Adam. Was it simply because Satan was so tempting, so good that Eve couldn't handle it? Or did she know something-- know the value of knowing for oneself? 

Many an apostle or prophet say that we don't need to make mistakes because we can learn from others. Yes, sometimes we can. Sometimes we can read the scriptures or watch our loved ones make mistakes and say "I don't want to do that." But sometimes, that is not enough. We have to know for ourselves.

 I am an extremely curious person. Always have been. (Ask the parentals). I want to know things. I want to experience all that mortality has to offer.  I am not satisfied by reading or listening to stories told. I remember, it was my sophomore year of college. My sister was going through a really rough time and I had a roommate who was going to a school psychologist. Depression, she said it was. I decided to join her one day-- I've always been curious about the "lay on a couch and spill your guts" experience. I was filling out the forms and it asked if I was depressed or sad or whatnot. I remember writing "No, but I want to be." I wanted to be depressed so I could know what my sister and roommate was going through. I wanted to know what that was like. I was curious about that mortal experience of being. 

It is not enough for me to take other people's word; it is not enough to see other's suffering. I want to understand their suffering in the realist way possible-- by suffering with them. 

So Eve wanted her eyes opened so she could know good and evil; sorrow and joy; pleasure and pain; obedience and sin. Granted, this is all just the Gospel according to Corrine.  There's another theory I heard from a friend of mine that really rang true to me-- she said, perhaps God would have eventually told Adam and Eve to eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil; the test therefore wasn't a black and white "never do this" but rather a test in God's timing. "Don't eat this because you are not ready; because it is not time; and in my own time, I will command you to eat." Does that sound familiar? "I'm not telling you to not have sex, I'm telling you to not have sex until you are married."/ "Wait to go to the temple until you are ready to make those covenants. It is not for everyone, at any time. There is a time and place for it." 

So, perhaps it wasn't so much curiosity but instead, Eve jumped the gun a little bit. She didn't want to wait, or perhaps the temptation was too great, or perhaps she lacked faith in God's timing. She may have been the first, but she most certainly wasn't the last to be guilty of such a charge.

Now, the point of all this rambling is because I wonder why I've been trying to live my life as an Adam all while secretly being an Eve. And why, now of all times, I've decided to accept being an Eve. 

I know that it isn't the ideal way to learn things. Sometimes I tell myself, "if only you had more faith Corrine", "just read your scriptures, go to church, pray and you'll be satisfied", "you don't have to do this", "just trust in God", "obedience is the key" .....  But for some reason I can't,, or I won't, say no. I give in. My only hope is that, like Eve, I will not only open my eyes, learn the good from the evil but that I will also be able to see and rejoice in the sweetness of my redemption.